I am a single 44 year mother of an adopted child. I thought I met the man of my dreams and purchased our first home in 1997 a year to the day that we were married. Our marriage was something out of a fairly tale. Our reception was on a Yacht and the day could not have been more perfect. I was on top of the world.
I did not realize I was entering the world of HELL. I married a man with two children, a needy and anoying ex-wife and a mother who thought she was his wife. Of course at the time I could not see what I was getting myself into because I was in Love.
One day, I was driving home from work when I realized, "What the fuck did I do" and I began to cry. I realized my marriage was something out of a horror movie. I was thinking to myself, how the hell did I get here? What the hell did I do to myself. Sex was a two minute morning fuck where he got his rocks off and I was left waiting for an orgasm. Understand, he was not beating me or cheating on me. He was neglecting me. I could not tell him how I felt or discuss my day without him snapping at me. I would walk in the door and he would start screaming over the dumbest things like his shoes were not in the right place. I got to the point that I hated coming home from work and I worked later and later everynight. I asked my boss to put me on the road just so that I could be away from home and not have to deal wiht his bullshit.
I only asked him for one day a year, my birthday to spend the day just me an him alone without his mother or his kids and everytime he would tell me no. One year he agreed to go away alone just me and him. I was so thrilled until we got there. He made my life impossible and caused a scene in public just so that I never ask him again. It worked.
In my head I thought if I am paying all the bills, maintaining his children. "that's right,,,,I paid his child support" Such a jerk I am !!!!!! and I was paying all the bills, what the hell did I need him for?
One day I was not feeling well and went to the Doctor. He never went with me to any doctors appointments. I had gained weight and did not know why. He told me he would not go out in public with me because I embarassed him and that until I lost weight, he would not have sex with me. I was scheduled to go away on busines and I thought I would come back and see my doctor to see what my problem was. While I was away, the first night I had a Heart Attack and a Gull Bladder attack at the same time. I saw my whole life flashing in front of me. When I came to, I woke up in an ambulance headed for the hospital. I kept asking them, am I dead?
Once I was stablalized, I called him to tell him what happened. I remember it was exactly 1:12am in the morning. I dialed the number and he picked up. I said hello its me. He said yea what do you want? you woke me up..... I said, I am in the hospital and I just had a heart attack!!
Any normal person in love would say "where are you? I am coming to be by your side, let me get on the next plane, I am on my way Baby!!! Instead I got "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? and he hung up!!!!!! Well ............ the nurse told me, let me try. Maybe he was half asleep and did not realize what you said. So she dialed the number and I remember her saying, "hello I am Nurse Jannie and I work the emergency room at St. Crucifix hospital. Your wife had a heart attack". All I could remember was the look on her face when she hung up. The only words out of her mouth were "OH HONEY YOU NEED TO DUMP THAT PIECE OF SHIT!!!"
I had to come back to New york for emergency Surgury and Yes HE DID NOT PICK ME UP, I went into emergency surgury alone!!! ALONE!!
When all was done, I decided I was going to make a plan get myself together and leave him. Then just when I thought I was going to get out, I received a call that changed my life or at least I thought it would change my life but it was only the beginning. I will explain later. The call I received was one of a small 5 month year old who needed a home. I picked her up and forgot about all the missery I was going to. I thought that maybe she would change him and make him realize what a Jack ass he is. As a year passed things did not get any better. His mother kept telling him not to get to close to the baby because the baby was not his blood. she whould tell me that I was not a woman because I could not have children. This is just a little peace of the abuse from his mother. I just kept myself since I was not raised to disrespect my elders. Anyway, again I had to re-evaluate my position.
I felt I was going through the motions. Now remeber when I said I received a call that changed my life for ever. Well I love my daughter more than life itself. But i remember getting the call where my doctor said I needed emergency Surgury..... I had Cancer!!!!!!!
After surgury and Radation treatments, Everyday for a year I cried. I used to sit looking at the sun go down. That was my way of speaking to my mother in heaven. I remember saying, that I would give up everything I own and every good thing I have to just hold her one more time. But at the same time I remeber my mom used to tell me that things happen for a reason. And that I should never be angry. She told me I was different and strong and everything I do always ends up possitive.
I realized I needed to make a plan. He would not leave the house and would torment me. So I started to make a plan. I met a real estate woman who changed my life. I told her my story and she worked with me a year until I found the home I wanted, in the neighborhood I wanted and for the price I qualified for. Once everything was in motion it all came together. I remained calm and I did not know why. I closed in 30 days. She told me she took a cut in commission which was breath taking to me. I remember saying, God give me a sign. At the walk through, there was a note from the previous owners which I keep to this day. The note said "Please take care of our home and love it as much as we did" Love the Rugilio Family. That was my sign. As I walked towards the door where the closing was taking place, I stopped and took a deap breath. I think I was just waiting for another sign.
Well i cannot be happier........ I have a good job, a great kid and though my house is not completely done yet, I know that it will eventually happen.
I WALKED AWAY FROM MY FIRST HOME WITH NOTHING......... IF HE LOVED THE HOUSE MORE THAN ME AND THE MATERIAL THINGS WERE MORE IMORTANT TO HIM THAN US..... THEN IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THE PIECE OF SHIT HE REALLY IS.
I strongly believe in Carma!!!!!!!! He used to pick on the less fortunate. He is a racist and beleived he was better than everyone else. People of food stamps and welfare. Now he is on food stamps, welfare and is struglling. He had to take on roommates to make ends meet.
I remember his roommate telling me - he said he used to eat Steak everyday, now he eats chicken. Carma!!!!!!!!!
It does not bring me joy to see him struggling and I feel sorry for him, but in the end I realize how happy I am and I am back. I was never afraid I just let my guards down.
If I can do it, anyone can. Its not about what you have or how much you have but who you are and what you stand for. I wish him luck and happiness as I have found mine.
I AM BACK!!!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!
